The Internet Explorer

A long time ago I realized that teachers don’t have a clue of how students think.

This happened on one morning in a lecture class, where students was either slumping on the chair, dead asleep. Or half asleep, struggling to keep those eyelids open.

As the professor talked and talked and wrote on the board, he suddenly said,

I see that many of you are bored. I guess this material is too easy. Good. Very good.
It’s a sign that you’ve mastered the subject when you’re already bored of it.

Me and the other students suddenly woke up from dreamland, amazed by the sudden stupidity we have just witnessed. We stared at each other and gave each other a small grin.

This professor thought that a bunch of sleepyheads were hardworking students who were bored of a subject that was too easy. And this was a college professor.

Anonymous Hardworking Student.
This professor had the idea that all students are hardworking. Oh boy this idiot have no idea. We students are the equivalent of pigs. Lazy pigs that only start to run and work if you feed us shit.

Some teachers are copymachines. They copy whatever is on the textbook and then the students write them down in their notes without a clue what it means. Where’s the teaching ?

But then again we students have the tendency to point our fingers to the nearest teacher we can find instead of ourselves.

Teachers are like charcoal. They help you, a small fire to burn. But you are the fire, you yourself have the responsibility to burn things, see. So students must have the responsibility of studying themselves, the teacher can only help.

But most of us are lazy bums. We don’t want to be responsible. It’s not a strong sense of motivation. So what can we do to be successful in school ? Simple, have a strong sense of motivation to do whatever you need to do no matter how hard it would be.

Motivation is key to anything. There are 2 types of motivation in use in current schools.

The kiss my ass motivation. They pamper you with points and bribe you with goodies to study. But this backfires. In time students start to think they must be rewarded with something to study. This creates greedy pighumans, and schools can’t feed them forever. Then students revert to pigs.

The grade motivation. Getting an ‘A’ is a sure-fire way to make you feel good. It’s a great system for better than average students. But what about students that lack the preparation and skills needed ? One ‘F’ is a sure-fire way to lower down their sense of brains esteem.
Perhaps one would say that failure will motivate them to study harder.
But failure motivates one to quit school and jump down buildings later too.
It’s bad for weak students.

So the two types of motivation in use isn’t perfect. So here I would like to contribute a whole new system of motivation to use in school.

The kick ass motivation.
Yeah, I’m talking about competition. Students will be categorized into different levels of development. Then they will be taught to kick each other’s asses. (studying)So the students will try their best to kick each other’s asses and all students will improve no matter who wins. This is fair to weak students too, because they are kicking asses in the same level of development.The desire to compete and win against someone who is almost at the same level as you is a powerful one.Also, students can kick the teacher’s asses. It would bring the students and teachers closer. It’s a fun activity too.In conclusion, the kick ass system, kicks ass.I hope you realize by now that the kick ass term I am using here is about studying hard to show how awesome you are to other students ?

But then again I could see teachers kicking the ass of students. Immediate, effective shameful punishment.

Yeah, kicking ass could be an improvement of the old butt slapping punishment too !

It’s a perfect improvement of the school system, don’t you think ?

Studying kicks ass.

Is there a blog that can save a person’s life, or make it feel better ?

What if the person is a person who is experiencing regret, guilt, sadness, depression, anger, and other negative emotions and is on the tip of a building wondering how their bodies would look like at the ground later ?

What if the person is so tortured by it’s innermost secrets and is contemplating suicide ?

Yes. There is one.

The one and only, PostSecret blog.

The blog invites anyone to send a creatively made truthful postcard with your secret written on it. And then it posts it up for everyone to see, without revealing the true identity of the person who submitted it.

It’s real life secrets of various individuals on a postcard. PostSecret.

It’s interesting, and eye opening to see the various problems and secrets that people have.

It’s good, when I realize that my secret isn’t so bad after seeing some of the secrets that people have.

It’s a motivating thing, to see a blog medium that motivates people to avoid suicide.

As you read the blog, the HopeLine phone number is provided. There you can talk about your problems as you decide whether to jump down a tall building. It’s the next level after submitting your secret in a postcard.

It’s really a blog to help people talk about their problems and deal with it.
And that’s a commendable effort and a inspiring thing.

It’s funny, to see some ridiculous secret that people have.

For example,

I thought my dick was a bad thing when I was small.

I shit in my pants many times when I was a kid.

The girl I love scares and beat the hell out of me.

I’m a guy who cries when I’m angry.

You get the idea.

No one will benefit from suppressing their bad thoughts and secrets. One will have to deal with their inner demons sooner or later. It really helps to talk to someone, or just to let someone know. It makes you feel better.

PostSecret lets you do just that.

No matter if you’re a postcard submitter or reader, it really benefits everyone.

Then again the donating part is a little strange. I don’t see proof.

I don’t know if I’m donating to help the needy, or scum who are scamming good intentions for money. It’d be nice if they showed a link or some kind of proof that they are the real deal.

Trust people, but don’t trust the devil in them.

I might just post my secret one day.

Hey, I could do it here.

My secret…

Is…

That…

I don’t have secrets.

Read PostSecret

Music is captivating. Fun. Good enough for us to pay attention among many things.

But is it possible to hypnotize you ?

Now I believe. Proof ? Me.

I was hypnotized by the musical realization of the motion graphics of john whitney as described in his book “digital harmony”.

I’m talking about this.

It was strangely… peaceful, captivating, and beautiful.

I forgot what the hell I was supposed to do online.

I was hooked.

I would stare at it for minutes, looking at each dot humming it’s way.

This is probably the most hypnotizing music motion graphics I have ever seen.

But Var 16 is just chaotic. My face became like this watching it.

..ll.. (@___@) ..ll..

Oh, you can actually control those dots using a hand crank provided by the site.

Never thought I would be creating music by rotating a hand crank.

By Hypnotized…By Music.

I am on my bed.

And yet I don’t feel my pillow.

I feel so free and weightless.

I look down. Oh my god.

I see that I’m not on the bed after all.

I am levitating in the air.

Surprised, the thought of superman raising both of his hands and flying up up and away came into mind !

I raised my fists, and I yelled in my mind, “FLY !” I flew. Slowly. And slowly.

To the door. Through the kitchen.

It was like floating in space. With the force of a fart propelling my body slowly.

I reached the toilet. Suddenly I felt like pissing.

I pissed mid-air, and then I flew out my window. Without flushing.

I flew all over tall buildings, under the bridges, inside supermarkets where people are looking and pointing at me, it was a sense of freedom I have never experienced before.

The sight of me flying must’ve been so grand and powerful. Or maybe it was my open zipper, I don’t really know.

I could will my body to fly faster and faster, it seemed like the wind even had a hard time catching up with me.

And then I hear a loud beeping sound.

I wake up. It was a dream. Everything is so fuzzy.

I then raised my arms to the air…. and thought in my mind, “FLY !”

And there it was, a half-awake-idiot on the bed raising his arms to the air, believing he could fly.

Always wanted to fly. By myself. The turbulence of airplane is rushing, but you don’t feel the breeze so it’s really not the same.

I decided that I would fly no matter what.

The closest I can get to flying is to take mad crazy roller coaster rides, I thought.

Suddenly the world is changing.

I am in a roller coaster. It is so fast, with the red tracks blazing making it look like a red flash of light.

I felt like a pilot, spiraling left, right, up and down at high speeds. I smiled confidently, embracing the fast winds shooting up my face, and I unbuckled my seatbelt.

With a loud yell I got propelled high up in the air, and I looked at the whole themepark from the skies.

“WoooooAaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!” I yelled uncontrollably.

And then I woke up. Again. Looking at the same surroundings I seen twice already.

Am I still dreaming ?

If only I could fly.

I would like to share the story of a Chinese Kid monk.

When he was a boy, he was adopted by the monastery when his parents passed away.
He did not know how to read or write since he was poor, and did badly in day to day lessons. He did so bad up to the point that he was called “stupid” by other kids.

One day he met the Master of the temple.

Master : What’s troubling you, young one ?
Kid Monk : Sir, I’m sad that I’m stupid.
Master : Ho ho ho, you’re not stupid, if you know that you’re stupid.
Kid Monk : I am stupid…. So I’m not stupid…?
Master : Precisely. Hohohoohohohoh !
Kid Monk : *Smiles.*

And then the Kid Monk ran to the other kids and started proclaiming how stupid he was.
And then he said “you’re not stupid if you know you’re stupid”.
All the kids were confused by that phrase. And all came to the conclusion that the Kid Monk wasn’t so stupid after all to be able to confuse them all. The Kid Monk then became a genius that helped people to proclaim how stupid they were. To prove they weren’t stupid.

End of story.

You’re not stupid if you know you’re stupid.

Confused ? Same here.

Took me a while to realize the inner meaning.

Being stupid means you can’t think straight, it’s like being a babbling lunatic.
If you can think that you’re stupid, it means you still have a mind. You can still think.
That you’re stupid. But you’re not stupid if you think you’re stupid.

Get it ?

So guys.

Go out there, and proclaim how stupid you are.

You’re not stupid if you know you’re stupid.

Then again I’d prefer to know that I’m not stupid by taking an IQ test, thank you very much. Always wanted to know my Intelligence Quotient.

So I went and took an IQ test online by tickle.

Here’s how stupid I am.

Not bad…140.

I’m a visionary philosopher.

Highly intelligent.

Have powerful mix of skills.

Exceptional math and verbal skills.

I’m a bloody equivalent of Plato ! Some famous Greek philosopher in the past !

This is a much better way to show that I’m not stupid.

Then again you can go ahead with the “proclaiming how stupid you are” idea if you’d like.

The average UK Tickle user has an IQ of 119.73, by the way.
What’s yours ?

Find out how stupid/smart you are.

Over the course of being an Internet Explorer, I gained some skills which made me more superior to most human beings.

For example, I can tie my shoes in 3 seconds.

Which makes me the World’s Fastest Shoelace Tying Person.

It’s not a simple knot, but a beautifully tied knot that can be released at a pull of a string.

In 3 seconds.

You want to know how ?

I’ll teach you.

First, wear 100kg dumbbells on your wrists.

Live 10 years of your life with that on.

Soon your hands will be fast enough to tie your shoes in 3 seconds.

That, or you lose your hands. And be handicapped for the rest of your lives.

Hey, it’s worth it !

That’s one way.

The Second Way

This dude covered possibly all the knots there is to tie your shoelaces.

But you only need to know one. The fastest knot, of course ! However there are other kinds of knots designed with more strength for different activities.

Remember to thank me when you tie your shoes in 3 seconds.

Video : FASTEST KNOT

Anger and hatred.

The two forms of human emotion so easily created, regardless of how nice you think you are.

I mean, it’s so much easier to get angry and curse and think of beating the bloody bastard who hit your car and ran away, than to smile and let it go.

Anger and hatred is powerful.

In the history of mankind anger and hatred has been the moving force of war.

And war, gives tremendous development in terms of technological advances.
Even though there are numerous casualties and lost of innocent lives, war, is really one fast way to step ahead for civilizations if you look at our world history.

Take World War 2 for example. British cryptanalysts, Alan Turing at the forefront, changed the course of the Second World War and created the foundation for the modern computer. Communication during the war was very important, and he developed Codes and Ciphers that are the foundation of the modern computers we use today.

No matter how many people have said that anger and hatred only leads to bad things, I think you should reconsider.

From my weird point of view, anger and hatred are just energy in our bodies. Most people fail to control such a large energy, and use it in the wrong way.

But if used correctly, it could be a most powerful booster to do the things you need to do.

Take Denzel Washington, one of the best actors I have ever laid my eyeballs on.

When he was a teenager he was very rebellious, up to the point where several of his friends ended up in jail. He then went through discipline school and eventually found acting. If you’ve seen his movies, Malcolm X, Man of Fire, John Q, you will find that he’s damn good with his anger portrayal.

What he did to be successful in acting was to channel all his anger into something productive.

Which is what every living human being that has ever felt anger should do.

Got a heavy homework you need to do? Make it your enemy that must be destroyed at all costs. Yes, including the cost of watching your favorite TV show or going out with friends. KILL THE HOMEWORK. Combined with the logic that you’re not going to fully enjoy whatever you prefer to do because the dragging thought of that homework is going to bug you, it’s a sure-fire way to motivate yourself to KILL HOMEWORK.

Got a lot of work to do? Think of the times your boss scolded your ass. Don’t give him another chance. Complete it and show what you’re made of. KILL THE WORK.

Need to do a house chore? Think of the times your mom scolded you and called you a lazy bum/useless/notashardworkingasnicevil/etc. KILL THE DISHES.

I think you get the idea.

Anger and Hatred is a terrible thing to waste, don’t you think ?

Just Don’t Overdo It.

Anger Is Good For You

Some say that gamers who play with other gamers online don’t have a life.

But really, games are life. A much more entertaining one.

Today I would like to introduce one of the programs I use
to murder people online. ( I OWN YOU ALL )

It’s called X-Fire.

Don’t ask me what that means, I have no idea. I think they include the X for the cool factor, you know, X….. so mysterious.

It’s also the shape of your asshole.

Fire is an engaging word, and it’s uplifts our spirits.

Oh.

I think I got it.

X-Fire ( Your Asshole On Fire. )

Back to what it does.

Xfire automatically updates itself with any games you installed,
and let’s you see what games your friends are playing instantly.

It supports about 600 games, which is more than you could ever need.

It’s also has chatting, file exhange, server joining capabilities.

It’s easy to see what your friends are playing, and you can join them
with a click of a mouse. No need to type in IP-Addresses and bullshit like that.

Have a life, be a gamer.

Asshole Fire

There are a lot of how-to-do-this-and-that blogs in the Internet.

But truly, how many comes with more pictures than words ?
(pictures are worth a thousand words)

And how many would treat idiots with idiotic posts ?

Not many.

But I found one.

There you can learn how to do things you always wanted to do but didn’t have enough brains to do it.

In other words, it’s a blog for idiots.

No doubt many of the postings on that blog are helpful, but at times I wonder if the author has the idea that everyone on earth besides him is a bloody idiot.

I mean, some of his posts are pretty insulting. I listed some below.

How to drink from a packet drink.

How to prepare instant noodle.

How to wash cloth.

How to wear watches.

How to wear earphones.

How to draw/write with your hand.

How to boil water using a kettle.

What the hell ???

At this point I can make the conclusion that the author thinks all his readers are a bunch of 5-year-old babies.

I suspect in time he will be teaching us how to pee and how to shit.

Oh, and how to wipe your shit from your ass using the least amount of tissue papers.
Or better, wipe your ass without the use of tissue papers. (use your hands, then swallow)

Then again, there is still hope in this one.

How to use a condom.

That is by itself the most useful post in his whole blog.

Salvation For Idiots

“According to a new study by Dr. Katherine A. Phillips, the study’s co-author,
people with “body dysmorphic disorder” are 45 times more likely to commit suicide than people in the general population.”

“People with BDD are extremely concerned of their self image, even though there is no noticeable disfigurement or defect. “

In other words, people with BDD looks okay, maybe even good, but have the idea that they look worse than shit. So really, almost anyone could have BDD.

1-2% of the American population has it. But that’s still a pretty large number. (about 6 million people)

It’s easy to confuse yourself having BDD. Don’t panic yet. I prepared a nice survey below.

Do you avoid mirrors?

Do you think about your appearance for more than an hour a day?

Do you pick your skin?

Do you keep touching the defect? (pimple, rash, nosehair and the like)

Do you have elaborate grooming rituals?

Do you avoid social situations where the defect might be seen by others?

Do you have chronic low self esteem??

If the answer is Yes to all of these shit up here, I’m sorry. You’re going to jump down a building one day because of some “ugliness” you imagined.
Boo-hoo.

How ridiculous.

We hear about starving children in Africa suffering from starvation, disease, and yet they try to survive as hard as they can, and now I read about a small portion of Americans wanting to die because they imagined they were ugly.

I can imagine how it’ll be in Heaven for those BDD-individuals who committed suicide.

Stupid-BDD-Suicider : Finally I’m dead. I won’t have to deal with me being ugly.

God : You fucking idiot. You’re not ugly. Your corpse is. Go to Hell, sucker.

*presses button*
*Stupid–BDD-Suicider falls down and down and DOWN*

Stupid-BDD-Suicider : NuuuuuuuuuuuuOoooooooo……………
(long indistinguishable yelling voice)It’s ironic how they choose to die, and be ugly when all they wanted is not to be ugly. (imagined ugliness, by the way)(corpses don’t look nice no matter how much make up is applied, and it’s appearance heavily depends whether you jumped down a building or not. You might look like smashed-human-organs-with-soaked-blood. Now that’s ugly.)