The Internet Explorer

It’s been a long time since I dumbfucked the public.

Yes, it’s time.

It’s time for the DO YOU HAVE ENOUGH BRAINS trivia !

DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES IN YOUR BRAINS TO IDENTIFY VICTIMS ?

Victim number 1 :

This guy has a great sense of humor.

He has pretty decent drawing skills.

He is one of the most famous people in the world.

He is a vegetarian.

His work is published in thousands of newspapers in the world.

Focal dystonia affected his ability to draw since late 2004. Somehow he fooled his brain by drawing using a graphics tablet. Then on December 2005, he suffered from spasmodic dysphonia which caused his vocal cords to behave abnormally. Somehow he developed his own method to still speak normally.

This dude can really overcome whatever shit life throws at him.

So ?

Don’t know ?

You suck.

Well you probably wouldn’t, unless you’ve seen this.

Yessss, he is the creator of the popular dilbert comic strip. Scott Adams.

If you have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about, here you go.
Click : Dilbert Comic Archive

If you are a regular dilbert reader, you may wanna check out his blog. It’s the same ingenious humor presented in writing.
Click : Scott Adam’s Blog

WARNING : PLEASE STOP READING IF YOU ARE LACKING THE BRAINS.
Victim number 2 :

This guy has a great sense of humor.

He has pretty decent drawing skills.

He is one of the most famous people in the world. People know his name, but none has ever seen his face. He prefers to live a quiet peaceful life.

His work is published in thousands of newspapers in the world.

Despite pressure from publishers to merchandise his work, which would make millions and millions, he refused. He felt it would cheapen his comics. The characters and their personalities mattered more than bling bling. What a guy. A total bloody idiot, and yet respectable at the same time.

So ?

Don’t know ?

What ? You know it’s a comic author but you don’t know the name ?
Well that’s the same as not knowing who it is anyways ! You still suck !

Well you probably wouldn’t, unless you’ve seen this.

YESSS, I’m talking about the most mysterious newspaper comic writer of all time, Bill Watterson !!

Here’s calvin and hobbes, it’s the best of the best !

Click : Read CALVIN AND HOBBES

WARNING : PLEASE STOP READING IF YOU ARE STILL LACKING THE BRAINS.

Victim Number 3 :

This guy has a great sense of humor.

He has pretty decent drawing skills.

He is one of the most famous people in the world.

His work is published in thousands of newspapers in the world.

He majored in physics at college, and took first place among sophomores in a mathematics prize examination.

So ?

Don’t know ?

What ? You say it’s a comic author again ?

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

WHY OH WHY DO YOU SUCK SO MUCH ????

He’s actually a partime-cartoonist. Details, people, details.
I don’t think you know his name either.

Well you probably wouldn’t, unless you’ve seen this.

YESSS, It’s the creator of FOXTROT, the image of american culture itself ! BILL AMEND !

He recently decided to take a break and start enjoying his life. He now only draws one episode per week, for sundays. Expect to see this dude skydiving, climbing mountains and jumping over lavas.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, check it out.

Click : Read FOXTROT

CONSIDER YOURSELF EDUCATED.

I am on my bed.

And yet I don’t feel my pillow.

I feel so free and weightless.

I look down. Oh my god.

I see that I’m not on the bed after all.

I am levitating in the air.

Surprised, the thought of superman raising both of his hands and flying up up and away came into mind !

I raised my fists, and I yelled in my mind, “FLY !” I flew. Slowly. And slowly.

To the door. Through the kitchen.

It was like floating in space. With the force of a fart propelling my body slowly.

I reached the toilet. Suddenly I felt like pissing.

I pissed mid-air, and then I flew out my window. Without flushing.

I flew all over tall buildings, under the bridges, inside supermarkets where people are looking and pointing at me, it was a sense of freedom I have never experienced before.

The sight of me flying must’ve been so grand and powerful. Or maybe it was my open zipper, I don’t really know.

I could will my body to fly faster and faster, it seemed like the wind even had a hard time catching up with me.

And then I hear a loud beeping sound.

I wake up. It was a dream. Everything is so fuzzy.

I then raised my arms to the air…. and thought in my mind, “FLY !”

And there it was, a half-awake-idiot on the bed raising his arms to the air, believing he could fly.

Always wanted to fly. By myself. The turbulence of airplane is rushing, but you don’t feel the breeze so it’s really not the same.

I decided that I would fly no matter what.

The closest I can get to flying is to take mad crazy roller coaster rides, I thought.

Suddenly the world is changing.

I am in a roller coaster. It is so fast, with the red tracks blazing making it look like a red flash of light.

I felt like a pilot, spiraling left, right, up and down at high speeds. I smiled confidently, embracing the fast winds shooting up my face, and I unbuckled my seatbelt.

With a loud yell I got propelled high up in the air, and I looked at the whole themepark from the skies.

“WoooooAaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!” I yelled uncontrollably.

And then I woke up. Again. Looking at the same surroundings I seen twice already.

Am I still dreaming ?

If only I could fly.

“According to a new study by Dr. Katherine A. Phillips, the study’s co-author,
people with “body dysmorphic disorder” are 45 times more likely to commit suicide than people in the general population.”

“People with BDD are extremely concerned of their self image, even though there is no noticeable disfigurement or defect. “

In other words, people with BDD looks okay, maybe even good, but have the idea that they look worse than shit. So really, almost anyone could have BDD.

1-2% of the American population has it. But that’s still a pretty large number. (about 6 million people)

It’s easy to confuse yourself having BDD. Don’t panic yet. I prepared a nice survey below.

Do you avoid mirrors?

Do you think about your appearance for more than an hour a day?

Do you pick your skin?

Do you keep touching the defect? (pimple, rash, nosehair and the like)

Do you have elaborate grooming rituals?

Do you avoid social situations where the defect might be seen by others?

Do you have chronic low self esteem??

If the answer is Yes to all of these shit up here, I’m sorry. You’re going to jump down a building one day because of some “ugliness” you imagined.
Boo-hoo.

How ridiculous.

We hear about starving children in Africa suffering from starvation, disease, and yet they try to survive as hard as they can, and now I read about a small portion of Americans wanting to die because they imagined they were ugly.

I can imagine how it’ll be in Heaven for those BDD-individuals who committed suicide.

Stupid-BDD-Suicider : Finally I’m dead. I won’t have to deal with me being ugly.

God : You fucking idiot. You’re not ugly. Your corpse is. Go to Hell, sucker.

*presses button*
*Stupid–BDD-Suicider falls down and down and DOWN*

Stupid-BDD-Suicider : NuuuuuuuuuuuuOoooooooo……………
(long indistinguishable yelling voice)It’s ironic how they choose to die, and be ugly when all they wanted is not to be ugly. (imagined ugliness, by the way)(corpses don’t look nice no matter how much make up is applied, and it’s appearance heavily depends whether you jumped down a building or not. You might look like smashed-human-organs-with-soaked-blood. Now that’s ugly.)

This morning, I went to shit in the toilet right after I woke up as usual. Yeah, I know, amazing human body system right there. My day starts with shitting. The relieve and comfort of unloading your shit supply and thus purifying your whole body, is a very wonderful feeling.

To my horror, I couldn’t shit at all. I sat there for an hour trying to shit, using various asshole techniques. Even tried standing on the bowl and jumping down, hoping the impact from my butt cheeks would be sufficient to force my shit out. Yet, no shit.

It didn’t made any sense. I ate lots of shittable food, bananas, vegetables, you name it.

Suddenly it came to me. I couldn’t fart either. Yes, not the slightest of Phhhbbbttt..!!

There is only one logical explanation. I was kidnapped by aliens, who made my asshole dissappear, just to experiment how much shit could be contained in a human body.

So I decided to commit suicide. What is life without shitting ?

I decided to find “sure proof ways to commit suicide”, because I wouldn’t want to die halfway and survive to be tortured for the rest of my life. Like that guy who jumped down a building and smashed his penis who then later amazingly survived.

What better way to find information other than the internet ? I googled sure proof ways to commit suicide.

And in an unexplainable turn of events, I found my own blog ranking at no.2 out of 2,380,000. I was suprised. My blog was a sure proof ways to commit suicide ???

As stupid as it’s going to sound, my blog will is not a sure proof way for you to commit suicide. So please, if you want to commit suicide please stop reading this blog and do something else. Like filling your mouth and nose with water and drown to death. You might even set a new world record, “The stupidest way to commit suicide”.

Anyways I read my own shit for a few minutes and decided not to kill myself.

It made me realize I could actually still shit………spiritually and mentally.

What a touching-shitting story.

Oh yeah, I’m sure you all are asking the same question.

“Nicevil, nice day today. How is your asshole ?”

Oh, my asshole is very well thank you very much.

It turns out I was half asleep, dreaming that I felt like shitting, but in truth my body had no shit to deliver. I quickly realized this after a big, BIG SUDDEN fart. That was some good fart timing, I mean, I was about to use a powertool to drill my bu.. uh… you know what nevermind.

Nowadays, you hear more and more how things can be done online.

You can invest, buy, manage bank accounts, research, heck, even find life partners online. (weddings can be scheduled and managed online too !)

But never in the world would I have guessed there would be an online service for dogs.

This is dogster, the dog-version of friendster.

Now your dog can hop to the latest pc and create a profile, post pictures and meet dogs online. Pray that it doesn’t unload its shit supply to the monitor.

How Insane. It’s weird thinking that a human is creating a profile for their dogs………what’s next, an online wedding and hotel reservation for dogs ? (since when did they need hotels for privacy)

It’s interesting to note the fact that humans are being dragged around by dogs disguised by the term “walk-the-dog”. It should be “walk-the-human”. It’s us humans that need the exercise. And the humans have to wait for their dogs to finish pissing and crapping, and then clean it up. Who exactly is the superior master here ?

This banner is so stupid. You would’ve figured that the staff at dogster would have common sense; dogs can’t read English. It’s the humans that are reading. Goddamnit, my intelligence was insulted the moment I laid my eyes on the website. They just called us a bunch of bitches online. No, wait, just the females.

I can only imagine what the dog must be thinking, watching their owners sitting on their computers writing about their dogs, about their favorite walk, food, toy, and nicknames.

Dog : You forgot to mention my favorite place to shit and pee, human slave ! Oooh OOOOHHHHH YEAHHHHHH. That was some good shitting. Now, clean it up !!!

Obsessed Dog-Owner : Awwwww look at the size of that crap… so cute ! Ah it smells good too ! AwwwwwwwwwwWwwwwwwww.

Dog : ………god help me.

Recently I stumbled upon a website that is supposedly able to improve your brain patterns.
The Brain Fitness program, it was featured in reader’s digest.

“The Brain Fitness Program was built by leading scientists, it is easy to use, it improves memory, thinking, and communication.”

So being the curious idiot I am, I decided to go check out my brains.

After taking the brain speed test…..

Click : See how stupid you are

I realized I may never have the capability to listen to fast conversations at parties. Sob.

Try it and you’ll know what I mean.

Overall, the whole website was designed well, full of pictures of middle-aged people smiling and apparently the lady from titanic enjoying the wind can also be found there !!

Sadly, the brain fitness program is expensive !!!

Is this a brain fitness program, or a program to get cash from unfit brains ??

Note the fact that most of the study involves aged people…. from 70-80 years old.. so when they claim the cognitive status improved by 10 years it really is quite deceiving.
I mean… take a 70 year old and an 80 year old….. are they really that different in terms of cognitive ability ?

I can only imagine the experimental lab…

Scientist asks 80 year old : What is your name ?
80 year old : Duh…..guh…..gah…

Another scientist asks 70 year old : What is your name ?
70 year old : I don’t know.

Scientists : Yes there is improved cognitive performance !!!! Time to earn big bucks !!!

Do inform me if any of you become geniuses from this program I might just change my mind.

I am sure many of us have heard of stevepavlina.com.The famous website created by Steve Pavlina, who vows endlessly to help us fellow mortal beings to achieve personal development.

He describes himself as this…”Steve Pavlina is a blue-eyed, colorblind, left-handed, well educated, vegan, lucid dreaming, purpose driven, happily jobless, reality manipulating, meditation practicing, risk taking, goal seeking, problem solving, early rising, passive income generating, highly motivated, energetic, disciplined, persistent, optimistic, fearless, and proactive… writer, speaker, blogger, podcaster, computer programmer, game developer, entrepreneur, husband, father, and archetypal Aries”

Click : His Description

Wow. Talk about boasting.

Not just that, he commonly constantly remind people of his attributes in his articles.

It goes with something like :

“Woo I’m a proactive goal-achiever ! Woooo I earn money without working ! WoOOoo my life purpose is to help people !” Okay, fine there was no wooing.

There is a saying.

“if you have to remind yourself a certain fact a zillion times, it probably isn’t true.”

Stevepavlina.com is all about manipulating the people’s desires and earning cash from it.
It’s amazing how desires of various people can be manipulated to generate income.
This below here is the summary of stevepavlina.com.

“Oh, you want to be disciplined ? Maybe improve your health, your career, your finances, your relationships, your emotions, your habits, and your spiritual beliefs ?

Then read my articles and click my ads and donate me money. Now I shall brag about your stupidity for providing me money. Yes, I am successful because of you fools who reinforce me with money, and I shall declare to the world how great I am and this is why you shall benefit from my articles. Here are my earnings and my traffic for the world to see. Now since you have seen that I am successful, read my articles, Click my ads, Donate and Make me rich !!“

It’s a big scam and almost none of us realizes it.

Personal development….? Is scratching my balls part of personal development ? I wonder. I have no problems with developing your minds with reading… but get a credible source.

Now, what idiot would be taking advice from a person who have read a bunch of personal development books who who failed in the computer gaming industry who later on decides to write a blog/globaleviljedimindtrick to woo the public and publish ads and beg for donations ??

Sadly, and apparently there are many.

Click : Steve Pavlina’s Traffic and Earnings in 2005

Come on, his whole blog is a fallacy. In the field of logic, this fallacy would be the Appeal to Unqualified Authority. It happens when an argument from an authority lacks credibility.

If stevepavlina truly was successful due to PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT, he wouldn’t be scamming people with ads and donations today.

Note : Every article’s introduction comes with big fat advertisement beside it. Since when was advertisements part of personal development ?

Nice on the outside, EVIL MONEY MAKING MACHINE on the inside.

Success… a message constantly being given out in his blog, where he boasts of earning money with no work at all. Waking up in the morning and checking how much money he earned…. having time to enjoy life and have no worries about money…. this guy is boasting out loud how he scammed people and this is somehow being interpreted as

“whoa this guy is successful man I wanna be like him !”

I say “It’s just another scammer. It won’t last.”

Notice the beginning of most article would something like “ever wondered if you could…”, “imagine what you can accomplish if..”, etc. It is a basic strategy of wooing suckers into reading his article.. believing that they will be able to be successful in whatever they want to accomplish.

Also, stevepavlina.com doesn’t allow any comments. In other words, he has complete control of online reality. He can say anything he wants, claim this and that will help you, without any exterior thoughts interfering !!

Reminds me of a chinese-monk proclaiming that he can heal cancer in a rural village in china.

Reading fake personal developments articles won’t help you.

You may think it helps you because the articles from stevepavlina.com is written so well to reinforce the thought that it helps you. I mean, the title is PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT FOR SMART PEOPLE !! Another evil-jedi-mind-trick right there !!

The only way to succeed in life is having the will to succeed, not reading some scam articles.

Here I would like to share the best quote my eyeballs have ever seen.

——————————————————————–

Nothing can take the place of persistence.
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Perseverance and determination alone are omnipotent.

Calvin Coolidge—————————————————————-