The Birth of Agent 007 November 23, 2006
Posted by nicevil in Goodshit.trackback
I just watched Casino Royale, the latest 007 Bond movie.
No, no, I didn’t watch it because of the action or the absense of pussybonds. (yes, the great 007 is finally muscular)
That’s what a cold blooded assassin should be. Cool. Strong. Manly. MUSCLES.
What the fuck…. ? Where’s the muscle ?
WHAT THE FUCKK……!!!??? FLABBY ARMS !!
Oh god mah eyeballs hurt !!!
Anyways.
I watched the movie because I was promised one thing.
The birth of James Bond, the 007 agent.
Yes, it was that simple. And the sex scene with the Bond girls was a small motivation too.
In the beginning of the movie he said all it took was two kills, to be a double-O agent.
Obviously that’s a lie, a hidden veil to cover the REAL reason how Bond became the famous 007 agent.
I mean, the number of people he’s killed is uncountable. His piercing blue eyes is enough to cause an heart attack of an elderly gay man staring from far far away. Please. 2 people killed just to be a double-O agent ? No way. Too easy.
If you’ve seen the movie, think about it.
What is the most famous trait about the 007 agent ? What defines the very essence of every James Bond ?
No, it’s not like he’s famous for his awesome kungfu and gun skills.
We have Jackie Chan and Rambo for that.
It’s his tradition of sleeping with various girls in his Bond career. Why else would there be a new Bond Girl in every single damn film ?
He does this with utter confidence that one does not see often.
Not a care in the world.
He lives by the simple rule, “I came, I saw, I banged.”
And how did he get that confidence is really, REALLY THE BEGINNING OF THE 007 LEGACY.
I’ll tell you now. But you might want to watch the movie to see it for yourself.
James Bond’s balls got crushed.
Yes, you actually see this on the movie, on a torture scene where he laughs.
He laughs happily at the torturer who was smacking his balls with a whip-like-device. REALLY. IN THE MOVIE.
With a crushed ball, he can never make a women pregnant. Which is why he dares to sleep with so many different women !! There’s no fear of having to be RESPONSIBLE.
To think that the birth of the 007 agent was a set of crushed balls.
Somehow I don’t feel the “coolness” of saying the magic words anymore.
Each time I say, “The name’s Bond, James Bond.”
I think “The name’s Ball, Jabbed Ball.”
Goddamnit. 
many many picures of topless men… you swing that way? i have been reading your blog for ages but i never knew… looks like your secret is out buddy…
How else do I illustrate how much of a pussy the previous James Bonds were ?
or maybe you swing both ways hehe.. hmm, Daniel Craig is the 1st blonde Bond as well.
good shit it is
have yet to watch the film tho
Bodicea, the movie was good despite all the gay assholes criticizing his looks. (so what if he’s not as handsome as pierce brosnan ????)
A double-0-agent should be able to shoot, punch, and stab you with a knife, and yet bleed and have the possibility of actually dying.
Note that he also uses his wits to survive and complete missions. It was pretty interesting. (all this was in the movie)
It’s the most realistic James Bond movie I’ve seen yet.
So you will feel like James Bond after walking out the theater.
Which is also exactly why I feel I could be Jabbed Ball too.