The Internet Explorer

I just watched Casino Royale, the latest 007 Bond movie.

No, no, I didn’t watch it because of the action or the absense of pussybonds. (yes, the great 007 is finally muscular)

That’s what a cold blooded assassin should be. Cool. Strong. Manly. MUSCLES.

What the fuck…. ? Where’s the muscle ?

WHAT THE FUCKK……!!!??? FLABBY ARMS !!

Oh god mah eyeballs hurt !!!

Anyways.

I watched the movie because I was promised one thing.

The birth of James Bond, the 007 agent.

Yes, it was that simple. And the sex scene with the Bond girls was a small motivation too.

In the beginning of the movie he said all it took was two kills, to be a double-O agent.

Obviously that’s a lie, a hidden veil to cover the REAL reason how Bond became the famous 007 agent.

I mean, the number of people he’s killed is uncountable. His piercing blue eyes is enough to cause an heart attack of an elderly gay man staring from far far away. Please. 2 people killed just to be a double-O agent ? No way. Too easy.

If you’ve seen the movie, think about it.

What is the most famous trait about the 007 agent ? What defines the very essence of every James Bond ?

No, it’s not like he’s famous for his awesome kungfu and gun skills.

We have Jackie Chan and Rambo for that.

It’s his tradition of sleeping with various girls in his Bond career. Why else would there be a new Bond Girl in every single damn film ?

He does this with utter confidence that one does not see often.

Not a care in the world.

He lives by the simple rule, “I came, I saw, I banged.”

And how did he get that confidence is really, REALLY THE BEGINNING OF THE 007 LEGACY.

I’ll tell you now. But you might want to watch the movie to see it for yourself.

James Bond’s balls got crushed.

Yes, you actually see this on the movie, on a torture scene where he laughs.

He laughs happily at the torturer who was smacking his balls with a whip-like-device. REALLY. IN THE MOVIE.

With a crushed ball, he can never make a women pregnant. Which is why he dares to sleep with so many different women !! There’s no fear of having to be RESPONSIBLE.

To think that the birth of the 007 agent was a set of crushed balls.

Somehow I don’t feel the “coolness” of saying the magic words anymore.

Each time I say, “The name’s Bond, James Bond.”

I think “The name’s Ball, Jabbed Ball.”

Goddamnit.

Once upon a time ago, a strange thing happened at Technorati.

(an internet search engine for blogs).

The no.1 search was Dawn Yang.

Immediately I thought to myself, “who the hell is this person ? Why is she the number one searched person ??”

So then I did what any sane internet explorer would do. I googled Dawn Yang.

And I found the blog of this girl.

So it’s a pretty girl. Figures. But why all the attention ? There are plenty of beautiful female bloggers.

I then found out that there was a controversy of whether she went through plastic surgery to enhance her looks. Dawn Yang completely denies this.

In other words, people who have been ogling at that beautiful face for months realized that they were looking at silicone instead of human skin. Or maybe people are just jealous idiots. Or maybe this world is full of immature idiots who can’t accept the fact that people enhance their looks.

I mean, we see people like that everyday on television. Actors aren’t born with good looks too often, you know.

Anyways I’ll leave you the power to be an immature idiot for once.
This is one of her pictures in the past.

And now let’s compare again with this.

Hmmmm. Is that really the result of plastic surgery ?

I will now perform my highly exclaimed born male ogling analysis.

Her skin turned much fairer ! But a good session of peeling your skin off with your bare hands and growing it back can do that.

Her eyes are bigger and and eyelashes looks dazzling ! But she could’ve punched her eyeballs repeatedly to enlarge them. And eyelashes can be buffed up with ordinary makeup.

Her eyebrows are so in line with her eyes ! But a good clipper with proper hand dexterity and a mirror can do that.

Her lips look so hot and sexy ! But stretching and pulling her lips for years can do that.

Her boobs are bigger ! But a good smacking of one own boobs with a hammer can do that.

So really, she might just be the original stuff.

Then again, if she really went through plastic surgery, it does not change the fact that she is beautiful.

I think it takes a lot of courage and commitment (and money) to ask a doctor to cut your face. But it also takes a lot of stupidity, in Michael Jackson’s case.

We all want to be beautiful.

That’s why we shave our excess hair and mess with our hair every morning. Some dares to take it to the next level. That’s the simple truth.

Consider a world where women don’t give a shit about being beautiful. I’m talking about streets filled with walking monsters with bushy armpit hairs and unshaved legs, combined with earthquakes resulting from all the fat and thick moustaches that shames the men’s, it’s a total nightmare.

All this proves a certain fact, plastic surgery rocks.

Then again, I’m biased as hell.

I mean, I myself went through surgery.

Now I look like the combination of Brad Pit, Tom Cruise and George Clooney. And I also got a new 15-inch cock. My pants is the hottest pants you will ever see.

I’m still running away from hundreds of girls who wants to rape me.

Click : Dawn Yang’s Blog

Click : A more detailed bitching of her looks

I’m sure all of us internet explorers has youtubed.

You know, the popular free video sharing Web site which lets users upload, view, and share video clips ?
You know, the one having idiots roaming everywhere in the cyberspace ?

Whether it’s the american pokemon singing idiots or the chinese backstreet boys singing idiots, all the idiots are here in one online package for you to enjoy.

One thing that not many people know is that there are various alternatives to waste your time watching idiots online.

(There are actually many other mediums to watch videos.)

Some of them have so much more idiots in it. In other words, Youtube isn’t very fun compared with various video mediums online.

Let’s look at Metacafe.com.

By far it’s my favorite road to video entertainment.

That’s because it’s so easy to get the good stuff. The most viewed, top rated videos, are on the main page. On Youtube, you would actually have to click, like, 4 more times to get to the good stuff.

And the material at Youtube is not really entertaining. It is getting more commercialized and having less insane videos. Where’s my idiots ?

Okay, okay, so you might argue that I’m a big fat lazy bum with a fat finger and Youtube rules.

You bloody idiot. Metacafe is really better, you know. It’s so much more fun.
I shall do a direct comparison at this exact moment.
This are Metacafe videos. (on the main page)

This are Youtube videos. (on the main page)

So you see, Metacafe has much more packaged entertaining material.

But hey, don’t take my word for it like a dumbass. Try it for yourself and you decide.

Explore Metacafe !

Other than that, there are plenty more mediums to choose from.

Explore Go Fish !
Explore Google Video!
Explore Break !
Explore Filmmaker’s Heaven !

Hope you have an even more awesome video sharing experience.